Tiny Baby

soapbox

I am going to get up on my soapbox for a moment. I thought I should warn you. I don't do this often - okay that isn't true - but I try not to do it often. However, I am irritated and need to get this out of my brain.

Our society is not kid friendly. Actually, right now, it seems to be very pro-life, but it certainly isn't pro-baby or pro-toddler. What is making me discuss this now - a piece over a Blogging Baby. The piece is about a proposed Rhode Island law that would allow nursing mothers of babies under one year, to bring those babies into movies and theater shows without having to pay admission for the babies. Seems simple and like a good idea. Well, it seems most people think that a baby will be a big ole’ crier ruiner.

What gets under my skin about this reaction is that the assumption that the baby will ruin everything…the baby will be certain to cry…the baby will surely be loud and annoying. What kind of attitude is that?

We just went to a concert where there were many babies and children and not one of them ruined anything for anyone. The babies were quiet. They were watching from their slings or eating or sleeping. Which is actually what babies do most of the time. My baby, who isn’t even a baby any more at 18 months (14 corrected), can spend over an hour in the bookstore before anyone really notices that he is even there. He is either sleeping in the mai tei or quietly looking at books.

I enjoy hanging out with my kid. And, yes, I do things without him as well. I take a class. I have been out to dinner. I went to a concert. But you know what I was thinking the entire time I was at that concert – that I should have brought him with me because he would have loved it.

What I can’t seem to figure out is this weird idea that babies are not really people. People live in the world. We interact with people all day long and some of those people are toddles and babies. They might not be tall or have a lot (or any) words, but they deserve respect and to be treated as equal members of our society.

I know that my feelings are colored by my experience of watching my son almost die – more than once, but I just can’t follow the line of thinking that goes directly to the idea that babies are inherently fussy and cry all of the time. That to have a good time you must leave the baby at home. I would rather bring my kiddo with me. I *gasp* enjoy spending time with him. He is fun and funny. He keeps me in the moment. And you know what – if he is unhappy or fussy and communicates his need to not be where we are at the moment – we will leave.

Some babies do cry all the time. Those mamas and babies probably wouldn’t go to a concert. But there are a lot of well mannered babies and children. Why doesn’t anyone think them?

Also, is every adult well mannered and quiet in public all of the time? NO! People talk on phones, leave phones on in movies, listen and sing along to their ipods, yell at cashiers, yell at you if they are having a bad day and want to be in front of you at the grocery line. People are human. That includes babies. Aren’t we trying to raise our children to be aware of those around them, to have compassion, to contribute positively to our society? When do we start doing that – the teaching – because we teach by modeling. And locking them away and telling them they can come out when we find it convenient – well that is not a good lesson to teach, now is it?

Okay. I will get off the soapbox now. But man this has gotten under my skin.

What was I thinking when I said no?

When I went to the doctor to get a confirmation on my fear that I have shingles, he offered me painkillers. I said no. My reasoning - I have to take care of a very active baby boy so need all my wits about me. I also stupidly thought that I could just take motrin or something like that and it would work. I was oh so very very wrong. Shingles are effin' painful. Really really really really painful. It starts out as an itch, but once you scratch it the pain just shoots out all along the nerve where that pesky virus is living. And that pain is more painful than my contractions. Seriously.

Now, in a perfect world I would be able to walk around in a nursing bra or something - and leave the rash open to the air. Oh that would be so nice. But I have to keep it covered so that the kiddo doesn't get chicken pox. So I have to wear a tight fitting tank top under a tee. It doesn't feel at all good. It makes me very itchy and then I scratch and then I want to rip my eyes out.

Also, I have to carry a baby. I carry him on the other side, put it pulls the cloth tighter on the rash and makes me itchier. The rash covers one side of my body (the right) from the back - wrapping around to the front. So sleep is uncomfortable. Sitting is uncomfortable. Well, everything is uncomfortable. All in all, it just sucks it. I feel like freakin' Job.

kick me **updated**

As Keet once said - someone needs to remove my cosmic kick me sign off of my back. I think I have shingles. Almost 100% sure. Doctor at 10:00 to confirm. Feel like total crap. Know what's even better...if the kid gets chicken pox there is a respiratory component to that infection. Yay!

**update**

So yes, I have shingles. A classic case. And yes, I feel like poo. And it hurts. And I have a headache which most people don't get, but can be part of it and the pain meds for that won't be in until tomorrow. The best best part - we have our 18 month check up tomorrow - the check up where he would have gotten the chicken pox vaccine. So we get to wait for two to three weeks and see if he gets the chicken pox. And really - universe - come on! I mean it - come on - enough all ready. I am so done, okay!

I just tried to nap on the playroom floor because I am that tired and he isn't. In the time I tried to nap he managed to find and break my glasses and  the phone. In his room full of toys. These are the things he finds to play with. And what he spent most of the time doing was coming over to me and getting down next to me and pretend snoring - which is really really cute - and oh my god how smart - but I was so not in the mood for it.

So done, universe, okay, done!

big day

Oh, today was a big big day. It went like this:

me: ready, set, go! (throws ball)

jack: mmmmm mmmm mmmm (throws ball)

me: ready set go! (throws ball)

jack: mmmm mmmmm mmmmm (throws ball)

me: ready, set, go (throws ball)

jack: guh guh guh (throws ball)

repeat one million times

So, first word - go - today at 1:30pm.
Can't fucking believe it.

(On a side note: we also spent most of the day at the eye doctor learning that the kid's left cornea is scratched. That is the last time we ever go outside to play! It happened when the wind blew sand into his eye. We have to do eye creme for a week and then go back to have it checked. The kid was a trooper and didn't cry once. He is such a stud.)

still inside

So, the kiddo was just diagnosed with two ear infections and also has to start back on the nebulizer three times a day because he is tight. Fun times. Just when we were getting to the end of RSV season. But in a way, it isn't bothering me too much. It is kind of a relief. I have just started to realize that while I have complained about being isolated, in a way I don't mind it. Because when we stay home and don't see other kids, I don't have to acknowledge the quirks or things that make him different than other kids his age. I don't have to explain that, yes, he is small but walking and he was born early and no he doesn't talk and don't worry about him gagging and vomiting when he eats because that is normal. So I hate being cooped up and at the same time it allows me a safetly zone. Our prok chops are ready, so I have to go, but I really need to think about this some more.

real honest to goodness actual eating (1)

  real honest to goodness actual eating (1) 
  Originally uploaded by peep's mama.

We have been struggling with eating issues for a long time now and work with a feeding specialist to help address these issues. I have been preparing pureed foods – that are strained or double strained – for a long long time. We have been working on increasing the textures and improving Jack’s self-feeding skills and to day for the first time ever – he ate an entire meal of actual food with no gagging and vomiting. I didn’t even have to follow up with a puree or yogurt. He ate mac and cheese (made with sour cream and basil), green beans, and veggie sticks. All by himself! This is a huge milestone for us. I can’t even really explain what it means, and unless you have had a kiddo with feeding issues it might be hard to understand. I feel like we finished a marathon, won a million dollars, were just awarded a gold medal at the Olympics.

Jack not walking or talking hasn’t, and doesn’t, really worry me. Those things don’t keep me up late at night (too often), but the feeding issues really made me worry. We would be out and I would see other babies eating and he was just so far from being able to do that – eat. It is a basic need and he struggled with it. There were times he would cry just getting in his highchair. He has worked so hard and come so far. I have never been so proud of anyone in my life.

one more saturday night (2)

one more saturday night (2)
Originally uploaded by peep's mama.

Hey! Solo standing. Walking. That is all.