I don't even know where to begin. I haven't written in so long, and I miss it, but it is hard to get started. I don't want this to turn into a *my kid's second birthday is coming up and I am freaking out and therapy is killing me and our budget is stretched too tight and I have no idea how to live my life any more* rant, complaining, whining post. So that leaves me stuck. Because that is how I feel. Sort of lost. And like I am still 13 years old. I feel that things are less in control right now than when the little one decided to arrive so early. I keep thinking it will get easier, but it doesn't. So I guess life is just this hard. I wonder how other people do it. There must be something to it that I just don't know - some sort of secret to managing this life without feeling like my boat is going to capsize at any moment - and I want to know it. This is making me tired. I want it to be better, but can't figure out how to get there. So I am going to stop now because this is exactly what I didn't want to do...