So. My mom told me that my brother and his wife are having a baby. Due June 1. My first thought was - wow it is so early to be telling people and there is so much that can go wrong between now and then. My second was - if anything terrible happens I hope it is in-utero so that the baby doesn't suffer. Because that is how much I have been affected by my pregnancy and birth experience. I went in for a scheduled ultrasound at week 15 and ended up in the OR an hour later. Spinal. Cercalge. Strict bedrest. Hospital bedrest at week 24. Every second of every day from week 15 to 24 was lived in fear that at any second my baby would die. And then he was born at 24 weeks and for the next 104 days we lived in fear that at any moment he could die. Don't leave the NICU to eat because what if he dies while we are eating? Waking up to pump at 3:00am and calling to make sure that he is still okay. Hoping that in the time it took to drive from the house to the NICU he didn't get an infection or have to be bagged. It has completely colored the way I see pregancy and brith. I will never be the same.
I don't really know how to deal with the news of this pregnancy. This is my brother who hasn't talked to me since his wedding because I didn't make a fancy video and send it for him to show at the wedding. You see, I missed his wedding because I was having surgery and then was on bedrest. But I apparently was doing this to ruin his wedding and the least I could do was make a video. He didn't call when my son was born. He has never asked after his well being or ackowledged his existence. So I feel confused. Angry. Betrayed. And not too sure how to handle this news. I need to do more walking in the woods and baking and thinking. The anger I feel doesn't do anyone any good. I need to find a way to let it go. But from there I have no idea what to do.
Wow. That is so tough. You don't want to be as small as he is, though, do you? I wish you luck in finding a way to come to terms with this.
Posted by: Chris Powell | November 24, 2006 at 09:42 PM
OMG!! My sister did the same thing to me after I had a 25 weeker. Somehow, my hospitalization/bedrest/Nicu experience became all about her. Because I didn't call her back right after the C-Section, she won't talk to me anymore. She made my parents somehow feel so much pity for her, they bought her a NEW CAR and didn't help us with the hospital bills (and we're normal/upper middle class types, not druggies, etc.). So, what I finally did is realize fuck her, whatever. When I found out she was having a baby from my dad, I mailed some booties and a nice card of congratulations. Thats been it. Believe me, you don't need that headache. Narcissists are the worst.
Posted by: no | November 24, 2006 at 10:44 PM
Quite possibly, your brother and his missus are about to figure out that parenting is SO HARD (even under "normal" circumstances) that they will be cutting you some slack. I hope they have the courage to admit this to you in good time.
Posted by: Keet | November 25, 2006 at 08:56 PM
Wow, you know I don't know how I would handle my brother treating me like that. I definitely get mixed feelings hearing about ANY pregnancy now... and a hint of jealousy at the "normal" preggos out there.
I just don't get how someone could treat their family like that. Shame on him.
Posted by: Becci | November 27, 2006 at 01:31 AM
I am with Becci.. shame on him.
I am so sorry that you have to put up with family crap after everything you have been through.
Posted by: soralis | November 27, 2006 at 01:49 PM
Hi there! About your bro... I say be the bigger person & if it's not coming from "love," don't do it :). I thought you may be interested in this documentary about a preemie... it's so touching & educational. It's really amazing. It's called "little man."
Posted by: LoriDawn Messuri | December 11, 2006 at 07:54 PM